Toni thinks I live with my face glued to the computer. Allie always asks me to turn it off.
There’s a little twinge of guilt inside when I hear that. A little shame. A little, “If I were more present as a husband and father, I would be happier.” A little, “What deep, inner satisfaction can ‘face time’ with my Mac actually give me?”, unless, that is, I’m on the outside, ‘watching’ myself work on my Mac, thinking how sexy (in a computational sort of sense) I must look, so deeply into what I am doing.
When they wake me up from the fog, I feel a little resentful, like when Bilbo is asked by Gandalf to give back the Ring. But then five minutes later I am stumbling into happy. Here are the two most beautiful women in the world saying, “We are so crazy about you we just want to be with you.” It doesn’t matter what we do. We could go jump on the trampoline. We could gather around the one warm place in our house and laugh and read knock-knock jokes. We could go cook. We could even watch TV. But intimacy and presence and togetherness are all there and the soul finds health, like water settling down to its level.
God never asks me to come away from the computer. At least not in any voice loud enough for me to hear. He just sits, looking over my shoulder, offering enough Presence for me to know, deep down in my heart, that another morning is passing away where I have not let God stir in my heart, do what God wants to do, love how God wants to love, shift what God wants to shift.
Maybe Toni and Allie love me more than God, that they would audibly ask for me and express disdain over my long hours in front of my plasma addiction. Maybe they don’t won’t to face the reality that if they didn’t ask for me, I might stay in front of that little 15.7 inch screen until I rot away into nothing. Maybe God just turns away a little sad that I missed so great an opportunity to be with God. Sad for me. A little sad that I would work so hard on a project to get to that place of “feel-good” on the inside that God wants to give as a gift.
And where would I then find God, were I to wake up from the screen and look for God?
That’s a no-brainer. He’s probably snuggled up on the couch with Toni and Allie, watching Little House.
3 responses so far ↓
JT // 31 May 2007 at 10:57 am
Understand completely. Gave up video games two weeks ago for the same reason. Robbed me of my sleep, which made me late to work, which caused me to have to make up the hours, which robbed me of my time with God/wife/kids, which robbed me of my patience, which robbed me of my joy.
I have all those things back now.
Marcelo Esocbal // 2 June 2007 at 9:25 pm
I think God (if He exists) would be pleased with computers. He created us like him. The desire to create and spy a universe from the other side of the display can’t be alien to Him.
Rod // 21 June 2007 at 8:32 am
I enjoyed your humor on the part of connecting with the fam anf God on the sofa. Well, it is probably true. God gave us to eachother to feel HIS hugs and see HIS smiles. Cool. Perhaps many who are on the pc or hand mouse excersizes, could see a way out to freedom. There are studies now show nerousis and others accetuated because of pc work–weak social connecting leads to discouragment, Adler would assay. God made us for community. Right on!